Shauna Hart

Hi Everyone,

Have you ever wondered why people cheat on their spouse?  Take a look at what I think the number one reason is:

The Cheating Trap

This is a trap that good intentioned people fall into all the time.  Often times, people get lost in this trap and throw away years of a good relationship over a passing attraction.

How does it happen?

We’re going to break it down here.

It starts out innocently.  You become friends with a co-worker.  You have lunch, share things about your life with them.  You enjoy talking to them. 

Now, let’s get into what is happening at home.  Your family is coming to visit and the house is a mess.  Your spouse has been busy at work and hasn’t had time to mow the yard.  An unexpected bill came in the mail that is going to stretch your finances for the month.

Do you see the trap being laid yet?

In this scenario, it is easy to see.  The reason that you enjoy spending time with your co-worker isn’t necessarily because they are such a great person or because they just seem to “get” you.  It is because they aren’t connected to all the other worries in your life.  When you spend time with them, you don’t have to think about all the other stressors that are going on.  You can just take a minute to enjoy yourself.  I mean, let’s face it, are you really going to dump all of your problems on them or go over your financial condition?  No, of course not.  This is why the other person is so much more appealing at the time. 

On the other hand, your spouse is your partner in life.  They share all of the commitments, responsibilities and worries with you.  So, when you spend time with them, you are usually discussing those issues.   Is it really fair to penalize them because they share every aspect of your life with you?  After all, they are there to hold you when the tears come or help you when your family is driving you crazy.  That is what marriage is all about.  It isn’t just about the fun times.  It is about all the times in between, too.

So, when you feel like you might be about to fall into this trap, ask yourself if you would be enjoying yourself just as much if you could go on a regular date with your spouse and not have to worry about all the stressors in your life? 

Remember, just because your co-worker can make you laugh about movies, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they can handle the pressure of being your partner in life. 

Give credit where credit is due.  If your spouse can stand by you, don’t they deserve the same in return?

Have a fantastic weekend,

Shauna Hart

Hi Everyone,

Have you ever started a fight and knew it was pretty stupid?  This section deals with learning to pick your battles.

Pick your battles.

When you are starting out in a relationship, it is very easy to get swept up in the bliss of the moment.   Pretty soon, you start to expect every moment to be wonderful.  But, unless you live in a fairy tale, eventually the bubble will burst and you will end up in an argument. 

As you start your married life, these battles can go from bad to worse in a millisecond.  That is why it is important to pick your battles wisely. 

Is it really worth it to yell because he forgot to put the toilet seat down? 

Believe me, there are more important things going on than the toilet seat here.  Most likely, it is just another link in the chain about what you are really mad about.  Maybe he has a pattern of not listening to you?  Or maybe you feel like he is not being helpful?  You may even feel like everything is left for you to do.  Whatever it is, this isn’t just about the toilet seat.  That’s why it is important to say what you mean and mean what you say.

As you are probably already aware, women are very confusing to men.  They will start an argument about the toilet seat and end up talking about a house repair project from five years ago.  The reason this happens so often is that often times it isn’t about the toilet seat at all.  Instead, it is about some other deep-seated reason, and the toilet seat is just another manifestation of that problem.

So, ask  yourself, is this really about the toilet seat?

If it isn’t, then you need to address the real problem and not clutter the issue with trivial things. 

If it is, you might want to decide if it is really worth an argument?

Have a great weekend,

Shauna Hart

Hi Everyone,

Have you ever tried to change your partner?  Check this out:

Don’t go changing me!

You’ve got the ring and you are committed to this relationship, but here’s a few things to think about before you start planning the big day.  Don’t go into this marriage thinking you can change your partner.  Sure, little things may change along the way.  For instance, he might actually start to remember to put the toilet seat down, but the fundamentals don’t change. 

A good example is the great baby debate.  He has said many times that he doesn’t want kids.  He’s been completely up front about it from the start.  But you think you can change his mind. 

Wrong!

If he has been open about the way he feels, don’t think that you can change his outlook on something as important as having a family. 

Is it possible that down the road he might change his mind?

Of course, but more often than not one of you is going to be unhappy with the situation.  Whether it is the wife that wants children but her husband won’t consider it or the husband who feels pressured into having a baby he doesn’t really want. 

Be realistic! 

If he has said that he doesn’t want children, ask yourself if you can truly live with that decision.  If you can’t, it might be a good idea to set the wedding date far out to give you both time to assess what is important.

Believe me, it is much easier to postpone a wedding than it is to end a marriage.  It is very important that you know what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable in your relationship.  Negotiables are the items that you can compromise on and non-negotiables are the items that you simply won’t budge on.  Obviously something like “always opens the door for me” is negotiable, but “must love animals” might be a non-negotiable if you have a couple of pets.

Have a great weekend,

Shauna Hart

Hi Everyone,

This continues my blog series on getting married and staying married.

4)  Don’t go Bridezilla!

Yes, you are the bride and this day is about you, but you will still have to deal with all of your friends and family after the big day is over.  It is very important that you remember that in the days leading up to the event.    If family or friends are trying to impose their wants and needs on your wedding day, make sure to let them down gently.  Just because you have to say no, it doesn’t mean you have to be rude about it.  Remember, these are still your friends and family.  You don’t want to alienate everyone because of your attitude…unless you want to star in the next episode of Bridezillas.  But keep in mind that while we can turn the channel at the end of the episode, the Bridezillas still have to deal with their family and friends after the episode is over.

5)  The Pampered Princess

One of the best ways to ease the stress you are facing is to take advantage of all of the perks of being a bride!  Everywhere you go, you are treated like a princess. 

Why? 

Because you are the bride, that’s why! 

Now is the time to live it up!

Get a spa treatment, relax with a glass of champagne…Enjoy these moments of living in the spotlight.  It is the one moment in every girl’s life when she is treated like a star no matter who she is.   Besides, with all the stress of planning the wedding, you definitely deserve to be pampered.

Have a great weekend,

Shauna Hart

Hi Everyone,

This continues my series on Marriage.  Now, for Surviving the Wedding Guerrilla Style!

3)  Ready, set, plan!

A great way to get ideas for your wedding is to go to bridal events.  Most malls hold them and they are a fantastic way to get acquainted with local vendors.  Plus, you can be entered into giveaways and contests for services!

As you are planning, one of the first things you need to understand is that this day is about the two of you.  It is not about your parents, family or friends.  Sure, you want them to enjoy themselves at your wedding, but you also want to create a memorable moment with your fiancé. 

During the planning stages, everyone will have an opinion on what you should do.  From the flowers to the cake, you will have so many ideas coming at you- you may feel like you are in an avalanche.  As well-meaning as these suggestions are, they can be a little overwhelming.

Try to keep it in perspective that ultimately this day belongs to you and your fiancé.  Your parents had their wedding.   You don’t have to do things their way just because they think it is the right way.  And remember, there is no right or wrong way to plan a wedding.  In the end, it will be a day you will remember for the rest of your life.   You don’t want to remember it as a day that you did what everyone else wanted and forgot about your own desires.

3)  Can I disinvite everyone?

As you get closer and closer to the big day, the demands will get more stressful.  From “remember that Aunt Mary can’t sit next to Aunt Gladys” to “don’t forget that Uncle Bill has a new girlfriend”, for some reason it will be up to you to mend family squabbles and keep the peace in the family with your wedding.  It won’t matter that you never met Uncle Bill’s girlfriend or that you haven’t seen Uncle Bill in ten years.  Your family will want to make sure that everyone is included so that it doesn’t “look bad.”  These discussions can easily become heated, especially as the guest list continues to rise and you suddenly have no room for people that you want to have there.

My suggestion is to separate the “want to invites” from the “have to invites.”  Make a list of people that you feel absolutely must be there.  Then, get rid of a few “have to’s.”  Don’t ruin your big day by not inviting the people you want there.  And try to remember that one day will never cure past family squabbles.  It is impossible.  Family happiness

should not depend solely on your wedding day.  It is too much pressure for anyone to bear.  

3)  Ready, set, plan!

A great way to get ideas for your wedding is to go to bridal events.  Most malls hold them and they are a fantastic way to get acquainted with local vendors.  Plus, you can be entered into giveaways and contests for services!

As you are planning, one of the first things you need to understand is that this day is about the two of you.  It is not about your parents, family or friends.  Sure, you want them to enjoy themselves at your wedding, but you also want to create a memorable moment with your fiancé. 

During the planning stages, everyone will have an opinion on what you should do.  From the flowers to the cake, you will have so many ideas coming at you- you may feel like you are in an avalanche.  As well-meaning as these suggestions are, they can be a little overwhelming.

Try to keep it in perspective that ultimately this day belongs to you and your fiancé.  Your parents had their wedding.   You don’t have to do things their way just because they think it is the right way.  And remember, there is no right or wrong way to plan a wedding.  In the end, it will be a day you will remember for the rest of your life.   You don’t want to remember it as a day that you did what everyone else wanted and forgot about your own desires.

3)  Can I disinvite everyone?

As you get closer and closer to the big day, the demands will get more stressful.  From “remember that Aunt Mary can’t sit next to Aunt Gladys” to “don’t forget that Uncle Bill has a new girlfriend”, for some reason it will be up to you to mend family squabbles and keep the peace in the family with your wedding.  It won’t matter that you never met Uncle Bill’s girlfriend or that you haven’t seen Uncle Bill in ten years.  Your family will want to make sure that everyone is included so that it doesn’t “look bad.”  These discussions can easily become heated, especially as the guest list continues to rise and you suddenly have no room for people that you want to have there.

My suggestion is to separate the “want to invites” from the “have to invites.”  Make a list of people that you feel absolutely must be there.  Then, get rid of a few “have to’s.”  Don’t ruin your big day by not inviting the people you want there.  And try to remember that one day will never cure past family squabbles.  It is impossible.  Family happiness should not depend solely on your wedding day.  It is too much pressure for anyone to bear.  

I hope you have a great weekend,

Shauna Hart

Hi Everyone,

This is going to start my series of blogs on getting married and staying married.  For quite some times, women have gathered around to talk about what marriage is really like.  Unfortunately, most of us only share those real world examples with each other because they are much too private to post anywhere where someone could see them.  After talking with a friend of mine, I began to draft a few of these myself.

I must preface this with saying that all of the advice listed below is coming straight from yours truly. 

I got the ring, now what?

So, you’ve done the unthinkable.  You actually found someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with… and surprise, they feel the same way!

But before the ring slides all the way onto your finger, you start getting the dreaded question.  “When is the big day?”  It is the universal truth.  You barely have a couple of minutes to enjoy engagement bliss and everyone expects you to have a game-day plan of when and how the big day will happen. 

Before you begin to hyperventilate over all the things you’re not sure about, here are a few things to consider:

1)  Breathe!

Take a few minutes to breathe and enjoy your new life as an engaged couple.  Don’t let family or friends pressure you into making decisions you aren’t ready for.  Remember, you can never get these precious moments back once they are gone. 

Enjoy them! 

Enjoy each other!

After all, that is what all of this is about.  The two of you starting your life together.  Not making sure you have the perfect setting for one night. 

So, go to the movies, have a romantic dinner together, take the day off and spend it relaxing with each other.  In the end, that is what your engagement and ultimately your married life is about.  Don’t ruin the time you have together with stress.

2)  There are only 2 people in this relationship!

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how your friends or your family think your relationship “should” work.  They will all have opinions on the way things should happen, but you have to remember that this relationship belongs to the two of you.

Your friends and family do mean well, and they do want the best for you.  The problem is that their idea of “best” might not match up with your idea.  For instance, how many times has your mom wanted you to wear a dress that she thought would be perfect for you that you absolutely hated?

The most important thing to remember is “Are you happy?”  If you and your fiancé are extremely happy, but everyone else thinks you should be doing things a different way, then don’t listen.  Not every relationship is the same.  And even if your parents have been married for twenty-five years, it doesn’t mean that their method will work for you.   Find out what does work and stick with it!  Don’t let anyone tell you that you are doing it wrong.

Stay tuned for more on this subject as I will keep posting.

Have a great week,

Shauna

Hi Everyone,

Good news!  I recently received a contract for my contemporary romance novel, Sins of the Past which will be out sometime in 2012 from New Concepts Publishing.  Once I get a release date, I will share it here :)

Also, I just sent off my paranormal erotic romance novel, Bonds of Blood, to the editor.  Once I have news on when this book with be out, I will keep you up to date!

For now, here is a little teaser:

            Mina’s eyebrows lifted.  “What’s his name?”

            Kat shook her head.  “It was nothing like that.  I just had a bad dream.”

            The girl’s lips curled up slightly.  “Must have been pretty bad judging from those bags under your eyes,” she pointed out.

            Kat tilted her head to the side.  “Are you always so silver tongued this early in the morning?” she challenged.

            Mina let out a harsh laugh.  “No, sometimes I let my fangs show.”

            Kat shook her head as the waitress walked up to take her order.  She quickly ordered a cup of coffee and beignets.  The jazz band outside began to play a slow sultry tune. 

Turning back to Mina, her eyebrows rose.  “So, when are we going?”

Mina leaned back in her chair, studying her intently.  “Anxious?”

She pursed her lips.  “I like to think of it as interested.”

Mina let out a long sigh.  “I’m still not sure about this.  Are you sure you’re ready?  I mean, no offense, but you seem pretty vanilla to me.  Are you sure you want to do this?”

She squared her shoulders, trying not to take offense to the other woman’s comments.  “Mina, it’s all I’ve thought about for the past three days.  I’m ready,” she assured.

The other woman’s eyes narrowed, the tips of her fake vampire teeth peaking over her lips.  “We’ll see.”

****

I'm really excited about this new book which I plan to develop into a series!  More to come on this :)

Have a great holiday week,

Shauna Hart

Hi Everyone,

A while ago, I posted about doing things that will change your life. A lot of times we get mired down in the day to day things and we tend to forget the things that are important.  One of these things is continuing to grow.  True living stops when we stay stagnant.  Stagnation begins with holding on to things that are no longer helping us grow. 

One of these things for me was the relationship I had with my biological father.  My parents divorced when I was three years old and because of that my father wasn’t around much.  He has always lived at least three hours away, a lot of times more than that.   Even when I did spend time with my father, I always felt like I was competing for his attention.  A lot of my childhood was spent trying to make him happy with me and wishing that he was the type of dad that I saw on tv.  

I grew up with The Cosby Show, Growing Pains and Family Ties.  In those shows, the fathers were always hands-on and really cared about how their kids were doing.  So, it was hard to understand as a child why my father didn’t seem to want to spend time with me.  Most of the visits I had with him, I spent with my grandmother or my aunt.  As I grew up, I began to expect less and less from my father.  In all honesty, I felt like he didn’t really love me.    From what I saw, my father was always better with kids that weren’t his.  With me, it felt like he saw me as a burden – something that he HAD to do.

Eventually, as I grew into an adult, I had to accept the fact that he would never be the father that I wanted.  Along the way, we have tried to rebuild a couple of times, but it always comes back to the same fact.  My father will never change.  I can continue to let that cloud my life with pain or I can let it go.  I can move on and build a life that I am proud of.

My point is this…Everyone has a past.  Many times we have painful issues from our past that we have to deal with.  But we can’t let them hold us back from continuing to live.  We can’t continue to wish that things would change.  I was watching an episode of Dr. Drew and one of the patients said “I just want my dad to love me and want to spend time with me.”  One of the counselors said “You didn’t get that.”  We can’t become stagnant because we wish things from our past will change.  They won’t.  We each have our own baggage that we have acquired over the years.   It’s your job to unpack that baggage and move on with your life.  Don’t let it weigh you down to the point that you can’t travel anymore.

So, what are you going to let go of?  I can speak from experience when I say you will feel much lighter.  And, always remember, you can change your life.  You can be anything you want to be.  BUT you have to give yourself the power to be that.

Enjoy life!

Shauna